gimme a WACK on my email n e time: safe_clafe@hotmail.com

I litrally only do 6 things: drive my watr truck, breathe, look at bagz of corn curlz wifout openin dem, commnt on bernews, reserch famous grennies, n check my email.

As I was reading I could vision everything…and will remember this one as I land in bermuda in two weeks. Which reminds me…I need to dash to TCD after I land to get my Bermuda drivers license renewed for the next 10 years… I hope they stay open until at least 3pm cup match eve.

toursts nowadayz have short attenshin spans, n constntly need gr8er n gr8er stimulis in orda 2 B satisfied wif there trip 2 bermy. wif thingz like d iPod, iPad, iGrenny n twitter 2 compeet wif, d only thingz keepin tourists intrested in comin herr is d applcation of fresh n excitin ideas on B-half of de dept. of tourism. SO ALL DAT HAPPND HERR wuz a simpl promotional stunt dat de FIRE DEPARTMINT had 2 ruin jus bcuz they r bored of sittin rond all day talkin bout wut there favorte type of flame retardnt is.

NE wayz, my step-auntie Gert-Mugula works up tourism departmint, n wuz tellin me bout dis plan MONTHZ ago. wut dey were TRYIN 2 do b4 dey got interupted by d fire trucks wuz sherr genius. D plan wuz 2 INTENTIONLLY set d truck on fire jus as de Delta flight from new york wuz landin, n let d tourists see it from d plane n get all worried. D captain wuz in on it 2…he wuz gunna say ova d intercom: “OH CHA, LADIEZ N GENTLMEN. CHECK DAT DERR TRUCK ON FIRE…UM GETTN A MESSG FROM D CONTROL TOWER SAYIN DAT ALL U BIES NEED 2 GET OFF D PLANE N HELP PUT IT OUT CUZ ERRYONE WHO WORKS AT D ERRPORT IS ON DERR LUNCH BREAK MASHIN BACK A FET GREEZE”. so wif d passngers terrified out of derr minds, d next part of d plan wuz 2 offload dem rite next 2 d flamin truck n start givin dem buckets of gasoline 2 throw on d fire, makn them think it wuz water, hens causin d flames 2 get MASSIV n scarin dem even more. 4 de next stage of d plan, tourism dept. had a stuntman/actor standin by who wuz gunna run out of de fiery wreckag n scream like he wuz in excrooshiating pain, cryin 4 his Auntie/Grenny/Ace Bird to com rescue him (but no 1 wuz gunna come cuz he wuz actually kewl). at dis point, right when d passngers were about 2 pass out from all d excitemint n commotion, Paula Cox wuz going 2 bust out of a birthday cake wearin a top hat n say “NO BUH, WE GUYZ WERE JUS PLAYIN….WELCOME 2 BERMY!” n then blow a airhorn for half an hour str8 until dey all calmed down n realizd it wuz just a joke.

THIS SIMPL PLAN, HOWEVR, wuz interrupted by d fire departmint. Dey clearly need betta communication wif Tourism so dat this can b avoided in d future. we prolly lost like SHREE million dollaz from dis.