Senator Ingham – known fundraiser and UBP supporter for over 30 years

Candidate Todd – known BDa supporter who attended a number of BDA caucus meetings and I am told flirted with leadership but said he wanted to fulfill his chamber obligations

Ex-Leader Wayne furbert – nuff said – he is still elected UBP!!! Never stood in a bi-election!!

Maxwell Burgess – nuff said

Jonathan Smith – was part of the crime writing platform for UBP 2007 – three strikes and you’re out! Mmmmm….

Larry Scott – was UBP now PLP

WHO ELSE IS OUT THERE???? Premier – YOU ARE THE NEWBP – I hear Laverne thinks so too!!

Premier Paula Cox and the PLP-controlled Parliament are considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Bermudians. The “Bermudians With No Abilities Act” is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the thousands of Bermudians who lack any real skills or ambition.

“Roughly 70 percent of Bermudians do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,” said BIU President Chris Furbert. “We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.”

In an Alaska Hall press conference, Minister of Tourism Wayne Furbert and former Senator LaVerne Furbert pointed to the success of the Bermuda Post Office, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest Bermudian employer of Persons With No Ability.

Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the inept include retail sales (92 percent), the airline industry (68 percent), and home-improvement warehouse stores (65 percent). At the civil service level, the Transport Control Department also has an excellent record of hiring Persons with No Ability (103 percent).

Under the Bermudians With No Abilities Act, thousands of mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability (POI) into middle-management positions, and give a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the Bermudians With No Abilities Act contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, “Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?”

“As a non-abled person, I can’t be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,” said one anonymous Bermudian, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister, due to their inability to remember righty tighty, lefty loosey. “This new law should be real good for people like me.” With the passage of this bill, thousands of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Premier and Minister of Finance Cox: “As a Minister with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every Bermudian with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every Bermudian, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this Island and a good salary for doing so.”