Opinion: “It Cannot Be Done Without Us Fellas”

May 29, 2015

[Opinion column written by Eron Hill]

Oh my dear she’s pregnant. That’s so and so’s daughter; I remember when she was a baby herself. I’m shocked”.

I’m sure we’ve all heard or made similar remarks regarding one young person in our life who we found out was pregnant.

I anticipate that there will be those across the gender board that can relate, however I write especially to my young brothers because albeit the female gets pregnant and bears the social and physical ramifications, it cannot be done without us fellas.

Undoubtedly, the chemistry of our bodies, specifically the high levels of testosterone, sometimes coupled with the feeling of ‘Being in love’ places us in predicaments in which we don’t always make the most rational decisions.

Yes, I’m talking about using contraceptives. To use a term most are familiar with, let’s ‘keep it 100’. Young people do have sex, and will continue to do so. Contraceptives aren’t perceived by all to be cool; some believe the pleasure of skin to skin sexual contact is worth the risk of both getting pregnant, and /or the transmission of a sexually transmitted diseases, and others live for the moment they call it; YOLO [You Only Live Once].

The reality is that we all have goals. For a lot of us, the goal is to attain a degree that will earn us our dream job because we understand that it is imperative to ascertain a degree to secure any profitable employment.

It will be different for all of us, but think about the thing you live every day of our lives to achieve, the thing that you want most in life. Now ask yourself, would you give that up, or put that off for a moment’s pleasure? That is the risk that we take when we have unprotected sex because bringing a child into this world brings a serious responsibility.

Your life is no longer just about you, but instead should become about the wellbeing of your child. Let us think about this before having unprotected sex.

Am I in a position to care for a child at this point in my life?

Am I willing to sacrifice it all to protect and care for a child?

Will my child have the best possible life based on where I am in my life right now.

Fellas, these are the questions that we must ask ourselves before we make what can be life changing decisions.

On another note, the “love” aspect of things needs to be addressed. Some say that they are in love and will stick with the mother of the child through it all, because they are in love and will be together forever.

That may just be the case for some, some teen parents do end up married and successful and kudos to them that do. Notwithstanding that, we cannot ignore the daunting reality that most teen parents don’t end up together in 20 years; thus creating ‘baby-mama’ ‘baby-daddy’ vibes that aren’t ideal for any child.

Think about it, look back your life, no matter how old, remember how many people you thought were ‘the one’? Yeah, exactly. We are young and at this age often get caught up in emotions. The person we find ourselves ‘in love’ with now, the one we think we will be with for the rest of our lives

Both your standard of life and your child’s life are lowered significantly when you become a teen parent. So ask yourself;

  • A: If I’m willing to put my significant other in a position that will disadvantage their future by bringing a child into the world with them when neither of us are prepared or in a position to care or raise for one; do I really love them?
  • B: Do I really love myself and value the goals and things I’ve set out to achieve?

If your answer to the first question was”No”, then you know what to do.

If your answer to the last two questions was” Yes”you do love your significant other, and “Yes” you truly love yourself and value the goals you’ve set out to achieve then don’t put you or your loved one in a position that could hinder the prospects of living the best life possible.

Now, let me be clear. Getting pregnant at a young age doesn’t write your life off. Life is precious, and should never be classified as a ‘mistake’ or ‘unplanned occurrence.

Do not give up, because now you don’t live just for you, you live for your baby.

I hope that we understand as young people it is important not to let the decisions of today, the temporary pleasure of today, and the emotions of today cause you to ignore the reality of what tomorrow could bring as a result.

-Eron Hill

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Comments (37)

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  1. D says:

    Well said. This needs to be shared in our schools

  2. Mr. Eron Hill, I must commend you on your article. It’s such a significant letter, pertaining to so many young people lives of today and them of yesteryears. I hope it’s recognized and appreciated that as a young man you are conscious of the ramifications that can / do come along with fathering and mothering a child…another person. These individuals can and sometimes do become totally confused, suffering an identification problem, by not knowing who they really are, and considered a “bastard”. All because of the five minutes of pleasure for someone / others.
    A former attorney, (Mr. Julian Hall)worked on a case involving the percentage of illegitimate children born on this Island and he’d discovered,(over 30 yrs ago) that 2/3 of our population were born illegitimately… Food for thought.

    • Mockingjay says:

      That’s Westernized thinking, in some cultures around the world boys are initiated to men at 13 years old.
      Just imagine how those young girls on the Plantation’s felt.

      • Catch A Fire says:

        Mockingjay – The more comments I read from you the more I understand why you are the way are. Why so bitter? Do you ever have anything good, positive or even constructive criticism to add to any article, unless its a “opinion” piece written about the PLP. I get that you are not an OBA fan, and that is okay, but you don’t seem to like ANYTHING else at all. Do you need a hug?!

        • Catch A Fire says:

          Just occurred to me that Mockingjay might be bitter because he/she can identify with this article. He isn’t talking about you directly in this article.

  3. sage says:

    There is no such thing as an “illegitimate” child.

  4. Yaaaa says:

    Yes I Hill. Keep up the good work man

  5. Tredwell says:

    Such a thought provoking piece by this young man.

    • Regina says:

      Really? I thought it was pretty common sense. And in other news, water is wet.

  6. Butterfield says:

    This is something that we all need to share with our teens and young adults. Well done

  7. Pat says:

    Nice to see a young man speak on a topic like this; great points he makes. I will definitely be sharing with my grandchild

  8. Webb says:

    I have an 18 year old boy. I putting this on his bed and he will read this when he gets home. Excellent piece

    • Toodle-oo says:

      Your concern is admirable but at 18 it should have long been seared into his brain the seriousness of making babies without a ring on someone’s finger.

      That’s what’s at the root of the problem here. It’s not at all considered what it should be . The most important single decision/choice that one will ever make in their life.

      • Mockingjay says:

        That’s what I was talking about
        18 year old boy, he’s a man.

      • Self says:

        Who said the mom hasn’t spoken to her son a long time ago? All she’s saying is she’s putting it on his bed so he could read it. You read it, didn’t you? I’m sure it was seared in your brain a long time ago, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t read the article, duh…

  9. Chaa says:

    Great piece from a young person’s perspective on a prevalent issue.

  10. Eyes says:

    Well thought out and articulately said Eron. The kids need this sort of reinforced guidance especially from their peers. Keep at it.

    As an aside, from one professional to another, the earring doesn’t do your image any justice. It looks cool for a social gathering, but in the court room it looks better without.

    Hope you take that as constructive and not judgmental.

  11. Truth is killin' me... says:

    Well said Mr. Hill. The sad reality is that many are just looking to bust a — and don’t look at the ramifications.

  12. Kim Smith says:

    This article makes a very valuable contribution… thank you, Mr. Hill.

  13. Never Never says:

    @ Raymond is there people beside yourself that think like you still alive OMG such thoughts and judgmental thinking hopefully there is only one one question are you old and wrinkled SMH

    • Evidently there are, (thus far I’ve counted 8) But of course, it’s your prerogative to view me as you wish to…

  14. Be Realistic says:

    Great article but unfortunately it will have no effect whatsoever which is a real shame for 2 reasons:

    1) It is highly unlikely that anyone who is so stupid to have unprotected sex will read the article
    2) anyone that is stupid enough to have unprotected sex will not listen and adopt the sage advice give by a parent etc having read the article.

  15. Damn says:

    Abortion should be easier to access and covered by HIP

  16. Beanie says:

    Well said young man. Keep on keeping on

  17. Brenda says:

    REAL TALK HILL

  18. Rock watcher says:

    I’m glad mr Hill has written this article and I have preached to my own children for along time re teen pregnancy ,thankfully they listened , sadly though Mr Hill is not saying anything new and sadly it won’t change things, people will continue to have unprotected sex and will have no thought to the consequences including pregnancy and multiple STD that they can contract. Mr Hill even if only one person reads your article and it helps them think and prevent a pregnancy….well done you have succeeded .

  19. John says:

    FACTS BRO!

  20. Ramifications says:

    True word here Hill

  21. Life says:

    This is a great article that needs to be read by all young people; not just locally but universally. It is a very powerful piece and I hope that it reaches the audience it needs to

  22. steve says:

    well done son. A well intended and helpful article to many.keep it up!

  23. Pastor Syl says:

    It is good to hear a young man speak to his peers on this topic. Boys and men generally listen more to what other boys and men say. Girls are blamed for pregnancy, for not “keeping their knees together,” but boys often get a completely different message.

    More men need to passing this message on to others of their sex.

  24. JUNK YARD DOG says:

    Is it not a question of principal and morality !

  25. Dats chillins havin chillins…no dat’s not love dats lust…then you see resentment that their in the predicament and all are to blame but the un sub….the perpitrator…the guolty pahty…

  26. Huh says:

    Just goes to show that common sense is not so common

  27. Just a matter of time says:

    Great article and message for the young people! We ‘older’ folks must also get the message to move away from the damaging stereotypes associated with names and labels regarding children born to unwed parents that have been passed down through the generations also causing irreparable harm:

    Webster’s Revised Unabridged Dictionary. Definition of illegitimate:

    1. (a.) Unlawfully begotten; as, an illegitimate child or illegitimate gains.
    2. (a.) Not according to law; not regular or authorized; unlawful; improper.
    3. (a.) Not legitimately deduced or inferred; illogical; as, an illegitimate inference.
    4. (a.) Not authorized by good usage; not genuine; spurious; as, an illegitimate word.
    5. (v. t.) To render illegitimate; to declare or prove to be born out of wedlock; to bastardize; to illegitimatize.

    So in other words according to this, a child born out of wedlock is unlawful or ‘unlawfully’ born. So is that to say that such children are currently walking around breaking the law by virtue of their existence?? That same word also means a host of other negative connotations such as ‘not genuine’, ‘not authorized by good usage, ‘to bastardize’ (giving animalistic inferences). Very damaging indeed.

    Such language in this day and time is errant nonsense and these labels need to go because they give the inference of the child being permanently inferior. I speak from my own childhood experience. There is no cut and dry recipe here. Let’s get away from this type of backward thinking because many such children are able to succeed such as my own experience. And some children do not succeed born in an unhealthy ‘legal’ marriage where there is no love.

    There are historical roots to such labels that have no business being in our language genre today. By the way the same can be said for the word ‘Black’ referring to Black people. Just look that word up along and see the many negative definitions that come up…