The Michael Dolding Prostate Cancer Foundation
[Written by Tamsyn Doran] In 2009 the total of 312 new cases of cancer were reported on our small island. Of these 57 cases or approximately 19% were prostate cancer cases in men. Of these 16% were ages 50 – 59, 32% were ages 60-69, 43% were ages 70 – 79 and 8% were ages 80-89. This same year a total of 79 hospital deaths related to cancer were recorded, 3 of which were as a result of prostate cancer (Source: Bermuda National Tumor Registry).
These men left behind wives, children, sisters, brothers and friends who live with the memories of watching their loved ones go through the hardest fight of their lives. The journey is long, hard, tense and all encompassing for all involved. It is never fully understood until one has experienced it in support of a loved one and each step allows you to appreciate where you were earlier on in the journey when you thought it was bad and didn’t understand how it could get worst. Only when it did, did you then realize how good you had it earlier on. You desperately seek control in life as the world around you chaotically spins out of control. You learn a hard lesson overnight in mortality and in the value of appreciating and living each day as a gift together as a family.
One such man who fought the disease was my dad, Michael Dolding [pictured]. He was diagnosed in 2006 at age 58. I remember as if was yesterday calling to find out how his appointment had gone. He paused in disbelief and said “ I have cancer.” The line was still. I imagine just verbalizing the words to his daughter and only child must have been numbingly difficult for him and yet he still tried to be strong and hold it together for me. I think that was the hardest day of his life and possibly three of the hardest little words he has ever had to say and accept. From that moment on I decided I wanted to spend as much quality time with him so every morning, rain or shine we met at 6:30 am and went for a morning walk together. He passed on his life lessons, talked about his roots and towards the end expressed his deepest fears. Those are some of my best memories with him which get me through my hardest days without him.
It is funny how one phone call and three little words can have such a big impact. It can change how you see your world and the people around you, and how they see you. Your perception of everything and everyone shifts in a split second and you feel as if everything you had crumbles away beneath your feet. From that moment on it seemed as though I had a heightened awareness of the people around me who were either going through or had a loved one going through some form of cancer. It felt good to have company through the experience as we all felt compelled to reach out to each other for support. Amazing how this journey brings people of all different ethnic groups, religions and walks of life together, a common and tragic thread which joins us all as one people.
Quite soon after his diagnosis Mike underwent a radical prostatectomy to remove the tumor only to find that the disease had progressed into his lymphatic system. Thereafter, he had hormone treatment to suppress the disease which went into remission. We all celebrated and felt a relief because when good news comes you grab onto it for dear life through this journey. I remember that Christmas dad gave a toast to life and said he was so thankful to have been there with us all because he had been uncertain that he would. Each follow up test was tense in anticipation of the PSA result. To our disappointment nine months later we started to see his PSA creep up again. Thereafter, numerous radiation therapies were needed to relieve pain and shrink tumor growth. Chemotherapy was tried but failed. Like the waves of the sea the emotional battle was difficult for him and us to endure varying from fear to anger, strength to sadness and at the most unexpectant times even humor, but then that was my dad, he always found the fun in things. He met friends along the way and even on his hardest days still reached out to provide support for those around him who were in need. He always made time for everyone and anyone he met.
In 2008 he passed away, just 5 months shy of meeting his first grandchild who, even in-utero, brought him a vast amount of joy and strength to keep fighting. I remember we found out we were pregnant, the day before mother’s day ,during a stage of the disease which was yielding continued bad news. We told him 5 minutes after seeing the result on the home test stick. My husband and I just couldn’t contain ourselves and wanted so badly to give him and our family some positive news. We couldn’t wait till the morning and had to run upstairs at 9 pm at night. His face was overwhelmed with joy and thankfulness to have some positively to focus on and hold onto through everything that was going on around him. His whole aura changed in that moment which is why we called our daughter Aura.
He was a wonderful father, husband, brother and friend with great honor, trust and integrity who loved to encourage and listen to people with a natural altruistic nature to his character. He was always soft on the people even if he had to be hard on the issue. He saw the glass as half way full and exuded forgiveness. He always made time for the individual and took great interest in each person he met who was not only my dad but my hero and best friend. I feel thankful to have had him as a father for 29 years and have tried to glory in his essence and spirit in being a better person as I raise my kids and embrace our journey through life. Our son Micah, which is a derivative of Michael, was named in honor of him. It means “ to be god like”.
I still admire how he had a natural zest for the world around him and how he cherished the simple pleasures which presented themselves like picking a juicy Bermuda cherry on a morning walk, taking a siesta in the hammock while admiring the dancing light flickering through the leaves above, listening to the Cardinals as they sung for their morning feed, watching the dawn wake, the sun set and the moon rise, enjoying the anticipation of a storm’s approach and lusting at the opportunity to go aboard a ship in stormy weather which took him back to his roots at sea. Nothing else really mattered in life to him but life itself and love, it really was that simple.
As such, it gives us great pride and pleasure to announce The Michael Dolding Prostate Cancer Foundation.Its mission is quite simply to promote awareness in helping one family at a time while effecting change on the Island of Bermuda. As dad would say… “ Q. How do you eat an elephant? A: One bite at a time.” As such we are starting with small “bites” which we hope will snowball as our mission gains strength. We believe that Mike’s life, journey with cancer and ultimately his death had purpose. Mike would have not wanted to have been defined by the disease but rather remembered for who he was, the people he touched and quite simply his essence and spirit that we hope will live on through the work of this foundation.
We thank everyone who brought Mike joy and love in his life and who have provided support since his death to the family. Your tributes, letters and words will always be held close to our hearts in remembering and honoring Mike.
All of us have sons, husbands, fathers, brothers, grandfathers and other men in our lives who may be at risk. Please encourage awareness, provide support and educate the ones you love about prevention and early detection.
We invite you to join our facebook group entitled “The Michael Dolding Prostate Cancer Foundation”.
If you are interested in making a donation to Mike’s foundation please contact.us by email at elliedolding@gmail.com or by phone at 337 4036.
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