Column: Myron On Father’s Day Celebrations
[Column written by Martha Harris Myron]
Note to dear readers. This is my original work in entirety. Any paragraph of research attributed to AI is now carefully delineated in italics.
Any research data included from other authors is recognised to them as has always been my custom.
The honouring of our fathers in our current cultural environment can be viewed in numerous ways: symbolically, respectfully, deeply heartfelt, and individually in recognition of a very special personal bond.
Father’s Day celebration is much more than a card or gift, although those are lovely gestures, too.
It is a timely moment to appreciate the guidance, wisdom, and nurturing that committed fathers provide to not just their children, but to their entire sphere of community influence.
The oldest concept of celebrating fathers dates back to ancient Babylon, when archaeologists excavating ruins discovered a clay tablet carved by a young boy named Elmesu wishing his father good health and a long life.
In the last century, various individuals are attributed as originating a Father’s Day tradition in the United States, among them Sonora Smart Dodd [1910] who wanted to honour her widowed Civil War veteran father who raised his six children alone. President Nixon officially authorised Father’s Day into law in 1972 stating, “to have a father – to be a father – is to come very near the heart of life itself.”
The words father and dad are considered synonymous: they are anything but! Dads can be described as fathers, but not all fathers can be called dad.
Whose ya family? Physical and legal paternity recognition has become a recognised process for many individuals seeking to know who they are, who will care for them [in the cases of minor children] and where they truly belong. A quest that is lifelong in itself.
The law may ultimately decide.
Medical innovations in assisted human reproductive technologies, gamete donations [yes, you will have to look this up], and DNA search discoveries among other facts – let’s call them inadvertent surprises – have seriously challenged courts [and its ever evolving legislation] in deciding legal paternity, who is possibly responsible for care, finances, health insurance, pensions and inheritance rights, custody, e.g., in parental offspring disputes.
A father is delineated as the sum of many parts: biological, marital, legal, functional, supportive [and by definition real dad] – where any one father may occupy one or all of these definitions simultaneously. Florida Supreme Court Decision 2005
A biological father provides 50 per cent of a child’s DNA, contributed during the oldest meeting ritual on the face of the earth; the natural event was and is still a celebratory accomplishment in the game of life.
A “marital father” is the mother’s husband on the day the child is born. A “legal father” means the man who is legally identified as the person with all the rights, privileges, duties, and obligations of fatherhood for a specific child.
A “support father” describes a man who only is expected to provide economic support for a child, and either has no visitation or custody rights or is not expected to fulfil these nurturing functions for personal reasons.
A “functional father” is the man who actually raises the child.
The last category. The functional or surrogate fathers contribute greatly to a child’s well-being. These are the real dads.
Think of it. Never having a choice in the conception matter, how does a child survive when they realise that their biological father may never meet the established norm: incarcerated, anonymous, prematurely deceased, abandoned, or just plain indifferent?
Studies have demonstrated that in this challenge to the maturation process, children can adapt and that those who have flourished have received consistent care from a grandparent, uncle, older brother, influential teacher, mentor, step-relative, flexible family units’ members, or just a caring someone – who becomes their “surrogate” real dad.
Most importantly, there is “real dad.”
He maybe both father and dad, or not. He is the man who commits to provide both economic and emotional support for the child[ren], and with whom the child develops a lasting emotional bond.
That bond lasts for life.
We instinctively know that so well – while numerous studies examining parental quality quantify that bond. Real dad is a fully involved male role model who cheerfully assumes responsibility for and cares about his children.
Real dad is such a committed individual in that child’s life that he would, without hesitation, “stop a bullet” to ensure the safety of his family. Millions of dads willingly did meet that commitment.
Still today continue to fight on to protect their families and country. So many gave their lives for all of us. We owe them. We are still here, enjoying the life of freedom – the ultimate gift from them. Respect their memories. One more thought. Mistakes make fathers. Fathers make mistakes. They are human, not infallible beings.
There is almost always an opportunity to correct mistakes by moving forward to re-establish bonds of love and caring. For those dads who have had differences with their children and children whose relationship with their dads are not the best, today is another chance to look forward, not back; to forgive, not to place blame; to make amends without expectations; to enjoy just being together. Reach out.
Use this special day to start a reconciliation.
There may never be another chance.
In memory of our father Cecil E Harris, the Bermuda Sewing Machine Man [1918-2004].
- Martha Harris Myron, a Bermudian/US/UK national, is a 30+ year international finance journalist, author, and former qualified international financial planner – MSc Law in International Taxation and Financial Services. Contact: martha.myron@gmail.com.
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