Dean: “I Continue To Enjoy Every Experience”

In an effort to offer perspectives on fatherhood leading up to Father’s Day, a collaborative initiative that includes Imagine Bermuda, the Family Centre, and the National Library is working to share the stories of Bermuda fathers.

As a part of that effort, local father Eugene Dean has been highlighted, with Mr. Dean saying, “[My daughter] has always been a blessing and I continue to enjoy every experience she brings into my life.”

Eugene Dean’s perspective on fatherhood is one that has been shaped by a number of factors, beginning with a solid family life for Mr. Dean himself and culminating in a unique relationship with his own daughter decades later.

On the one hand, he reports that it has been gratifying to grow within a loving family that has embodied the virtues that have formed the foundation of his daughter’s growth and development. Additionally his grandmothers, his mother and the rest of the women in his family provided an additional support network that was nurturing.

In 1995, at the age of 21, just following his graduation from university in June of that year, his girlfriend gave birth to a daughter that July. Mr Dean immediately recognized this situation as a blessing, even though, having a child at that particular time, had not been a part of his plans.

That said both he and his girlfriend had to rise to the occasion, especially since she was a U.S. citizen and, following his graduation, Mr Dean was returning to Bermuda for work and a masters program.

Initially Sierra remained in the US with her mother taking turns with Mr Dean travelling so that they both could spend time with their new baby. However by the time Sierra was 18 months old, circumstances dictated that he would raise Sierra as a single father in Bermuda.

Mr Dean expressed the fact that raising his daughter has provided him with a newfound sense of appreciation for family. He also noted that it is truly astonishing how becoming a father at a young age accelerated his maturity and brought fresh perspective into his life.

He contends that the experience of single-parenthood spurred him to grow into manhood somewhat earlier than his peers, as he came face-to-face with the adjustments required to make all of his decisions based on the impact it would have on his child.

While both Mr Dean and Sierra benefited from an abundance of love and support from his family, they all made sure that, when it came to his daughter, he knew she was his responsibility. Consequently, he would participate in all school activities, cook meals, prepare lunches, change diapers, fix hair, attend birthday parties, plan sleepovers and organize play days at the park.

Mr Dean recalls that post homeschool, while attending elementary school at Montessori, Sierra would get upset at times when other children would boast about all the things their mothers were doing for them and then add more insult to injury by questioning her to find out if her mother was doing the same things.

Fortunately this only happened periodically and in his opinion those experiences helped make their bond stronger because it encouraged him to give Sierra even more attention and support. Today she continues to benefit from the relationship they’ve shared over the years.

He has seen her grow in confidence and watched her develop a sense of maturity and love for herself.

One key feature of his parenting style was Mr Dean’s deep appreciation for leading by example. At a very early stage he realized that children do what we do far more readily than listening to what we say. He learned this lesson first hand when his daughter started to say “no” to him.

Upon reflection he realized that it was he that she was emulating when he would use “no” in his communication to her. Once he realized that he made a decision to use only positive language with her by telling her what to do rather than what not to do and in a relatively short period of time, “no” went away.

Mr Dean’s personal growth led him to recognize that not only should he focus on the welfare of his own child, but experienced a growing sense of responsibility for children and people in the wider community. In that regard, Sierra would accompany him when he attended meetings or worked on community projects.

Sierra reports that she feels ‘special’ having been raised by her father. She contends that it may have given her an edge when she compares herself with her peers, noting that she seems to be able to handle life challenges better than her friends.

Sierra also noted that her communication with her father has always been independent of judgment, and this transparency has allowed her and her father to form a healthy and honest relationship.

Both Mr Dean and his daughter say that their relationship is unique. Sierra has grown into a beautiful self-assured young women and she just completed her second year of university in Canada.

“There is not a day in my life that I have regretted having Sierra,” said Mr. Dean. “She has always been a blessing and I continue to enjoy every experience she brings into my life.”

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