Column: Time To ‘Come Out’ About Depression
[Opinion column written by Jeremy Deacon]
I often hear people say that they are depressed. Of course, what they really mean is that they are unhappy, they would not use the phrase if they were aware of what it really meant.
What is depression? Here is one definition but it will vary from person to person, depending on the severity of the symptoms.
Why am I writing about this? Well, I suffer from depression and thought it was time to ‘come out’. I was diagnosed about four years ago and since then it has been on my mind to write about my experiences.
I’m still not sure I am doing the right thing and am very nervous that people who I know, who are my acquaintances and who do not know me, will treat me with kid gloves or somehow change the way they approach me.
However, I hope that by going public, this helps a little to educate people and to show those who suffer from this illness that you can lead a completely normal life.
I did not know what was happening. I was barely monosyllabic, I wanted to sleep all the time, we went as a family to the beach, all I could do was sit, legs drawn up to my chest, not moving, not joining in.
I would wake up in the mornings feeling OK but when I started to walk to work, I would be enveloped by a black cloak. OK, I hear you laughing and saying that that happens to you every morning, but this was tangible. It was my mood changing, it was me going into darkness.
It was becoming increasingly obvious that something was wrong and after some time, my long-suffering wife, Elizabeth, confronted me because she thought I was just being an ass, at which point I broke down. A quick look at Dr Google and it was pretty obvious what was wrong.
A trip to the doctor confirmed our self-diagnosis and I was put on medication and had some counselling and, to cut a long story short, I’ve been OK ever since.
I have often wondered ‘why me’ and felt for some time that it was due to weakness on my part. After all, in my various newspaper roles I was often called on upon to be as tough as nails, to take decisions that would affect people’s lives, to set examples, to lead.
Depression was not for me; it was for the weak. It is not, it can affect anyone.
I’ve established and grown my own business, I have a fairly high public profile, I’ve spoken at events, I write this column. In short, I lead a normal life.
It has been interesting over the years, coming across other people in Bermuda with mental health problems – when we found out we both had a mental illness it was like ‘wow, would never have guessed!’, which kind of says it all, doesn’t it?
So why am I writing this? One reason, as I have said, is to educate and to provide some support to others out there who might feel overwhelmed and helpless.
The other reason is that I’d like to hear about people’s experiences in terms of the treatment they received – or the treatment they would like to receive – how you feel mental illness is perceived in Bermuda and whether you feel would feel comfortable ‘coming out’.
I hope in the future to do another column on mental health, looking at how it is perceived and what is available in Bermuda in terms of treatment.
This Ministerial speech gives some idea of the scale of mental health problems in Bermuda. Remember, you are not alone.
I can be reached at jdeacon@northrock.bm. I will treat every response with total confidentiality unless specifically told that it is OK to use publicly.
Jeremy Deacon is a 30-year veteran of the media industry in Bermuda and the UK. He runs public relations company, Deep Blue Communications, and also engages in freelance journalism for publications in Bermuda and overseas. He is also the Executive Officer of the Media Council of Bermuda.
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Depression is real and nothing to be ashamed of, changing our thought pattern can help….
I agree, hopefully this will go some way towards that.
Jeremy,
I have met you a few times and thought you a fairly well rounded person. I don’t know how to say this less bluntly but cheer the F up man! You are living in Bermuda! The top of the heap. You have first world problems mate. Maybe you need to go spend some time in the slums of Palestine. Bet you’d kiss the ground you walk on when you get back…living without the fear of a bomb being dropped on your ass has a way of cheering you up.
Oh and lay off of the sugar.
If it were only that easy Mr. Orange. You do not understand the struggle. You can’t just snap out of it. I get what you are saying about being grateful but the depression is VERY powerful.
Depression isn’t rational. You cannot rationalize it by simply saying cheer up. In fact that’s rude and insensitive. As if Mr Deacon is making a conscious choice. I suffer from Panic attacks and anxiety. This is treated in the same way as depression and fortunately I have had very successful results through treatment (2 years no panic attacks).
Jeremy is trying to change (your kind) of behaviors and thought process on mental illness. We don’t see someone in a wheelchair and say stand up lazy toes…. so don’t say cheer up to a person suffering from depression.
It’s true. People mean well when they say snap out of it. See what you are thankful for. Try to make us feel guilty for not being happy when we ought to be. Depression is not a choice, unfortunately. We know we should be happy, but we are not.
Mr. Orange
It is very clear you have never suffered from this illness so congratulations, hopefully you never will. In the meantime, you have no idea what you are talking about.
Your comment is interesting. There can clearly be no comparison with what life is like in Palestine but that is point – there is no comparison, so your comment misses the issue …. next time you bump into me please introduce yourself and we can have a chat about this.
Great response Jeremy Deacon. Until you have either experienced depressive illness yourself or lived in close contact with someone who has, you can not understand it.
I hope Mr. Orange gets a chance to speak with you, or if that person knows me, you could also talk with me as I too am learning to live with depressive illness.
hi. please email me. i would be happy to meet
Thanks for sharing. It’s a big step forward. I would like to see more done in Bermuda for persons tgst suffer from mental illness.
Mr Orange your comment is almost triumphantly ignorant and illustrates the need for brave people like Jeremy to ‘come out’ and explain more about this terrible (and sadly in many cases TERMINAL illness).
And the award for the most idiotic comment of the day goes to…
Listen Einstein, I hope you never experience how absolutely paralysing depression can be. Like many physical illnesses, it doesn’t discriminate. I’m 36 and I’ve had three major depression episodes in my life. I wouldn’t wish it on my worse enemy. Aren’t you fortunate to not have experienced it? But don’t be condescending to the millions of people who are experiencing depression as we speak. You just don’t know what someone is going through. Jeremy, thank you opening this discussion.
This comment is so insensitive! Depression is real and we do not know when depression or any other illness will coming knocking on our door.
Mr. Deacon, I have utmost respect for you and I applaud your decision to bring such an important topic to light.
Thank you!
I really can’t believe Mr Orange’s comments. You clearly have no idea what depression is. It is an illness – something you cannot snap out of – it’s a chemical imbalance in the brain that causes it – it is not feeling sorry for yourself! Unfortunately it’s people like you that make people like Jeremy not want to speak up about depression or be ashamed of it. I would suggest that you do some reading on depression to educate yourself a bit. God forbid that you every experience it yourself…it’s debilitating, crippling, dangerous – you clearly have no idea…. If only it were that easy….I suffered myself, I had everything going for me and was at a loss as to how a person like me with EVERYTHING could be depressed. It can affect ANYONE, rich or poor, living in paradise or not, employed or unemployed ….. Please try and educate yourself and maybe you will see that it is not a case of just pulling yourself together! Yes, sometimes an event in your life will trigger it, but other times it just hits you for no reason – and it can quite often be hereditary (I have a family history of it unfortunately). That said, I do fully appreciate that it’s difficult to understand unless you have experienced it first hand or through a relative. I thought that about anxiety until it hit me like a tonne of bricks one day and I have suffered ever since…. Depression and anxiety are one of the most horrible things to experience in the world – I wouldn’t wish them on my worst enemy.
I agree with seeing a doctor to help You get to the root cause(s) of ones depression but I am totally against the use of medication for long term use.
Medication will not sort the issues that are impacting You.
When it comes to depression I often go with “Hugs not Drugs”
This is complete folly. Depression and other mental health disorders are not always based on situational/emotional issues. They can be chemical/neurological and as a result require long term treatment… I never plan on going off my meds. They are not a crutch. My brain is wired a certain way… no hug will alleviate that.
I am Sorry You feel this is a folly but meds are not the answer. Short term use I agree with but spending the rest of Your life on them is unreal.
It maybe a painful journey but with the right people around You can live without meds.
The road was long but with the support I had, I was able to resolve most of my issues. I had to fight tooth and nail but in the end my way has proven to work for me.
I am in no way suggesting my way will work for all. “Results May Vary”.
You have to educate Yourself and Learn Who, What, Where to avoid.
I am sorry but I do not buy into a “Pill for Every Ill”.
Until I decided to take control of my life, I was the ‘Walking Dead’
I used medication to treat my anxiety. I am no longer on medication for it. It was a complete success. You don’t see someone with a broken leg and say go get a hug… no we get medication and a cast. Mental illness needs to start being treated like a REAL illness and with the same respect.
“hugs not Drugs” is about surrounding Yourself with Loving and Caring People.
A Broken Leg is a Broken Leg and no a hug can not fix it but it sure can take away from the Pain.
For Me, LOVE was the Answer and is MY long term Answer.
Well I am glad you are better. You are missing the point though that as this is an illness, ones brain simply cannoy produce the correct chemical balanced recquired for happyness. No number of hugs and love can fix that, like a broken leg, they can ease the pain, but no solution.
That is true for some people but not for everyone. You may disagree and that is your opinion. Doesn’t mean you are correct so please stop judging those among us for whom this is a lifelong thing. You said it yourself – your way has proven to work for YOU.
Point out where I was judging please m8
educate myself? Im 40. I know me. I understand mental illness. You dont. May you never require more than a hug along life journey.
If at 40 You know all You need to know about Yourself, YOU are truly BLESSED
The message is not ‘Hugs’ solve everything but I guess that was missed as No One can tell You anything
It’s the drugs…The addiction makes them adamant…If only they kept abreast of the true wonders of the human body… not just pharmaceutically but also bio-chemically…totally mind blowing knowledge…but the fear rages on.
The vast majority of mental illnesses such as BPD, GAD or bipolar which include the vast range of people that suffer from depression (it being only part of the cycle) do have good results from psychotherapy. HOWEVER, the main reason mental illnesses are called illness as opposed to disorder is that the actual root of them all is a chemical inbalance, not an inability to deal with situations or emotions. I am Bipolar I with fun sides of GAD and severe insomnia. No matter how many coping habits I have or how easy my life could have been, my body simply does not make certain chemicals that allow me to deal or , more to the point, see the world in the same way that you do. The medication I will have to take for the rest of my life is not a coping mechanism. It is replacing those chemicals so that my body can simulate what the non-mentally ill person has. Think of it as diabetes that you are born with. Would you consider a person born without the ability to process sugar less than those that can? Of course not. Would you tell them that hugs would make a difference? Of course not. Same applies here.
It is so easy for many people to spout off platitudes without the knowledge needed to treat these diseases with dignity. With the illnesses noted above, I am also a strong and successful woman, married with two kids and a great group of friends, all of whom know “my dirty little secret”. I am quite open about it and explain to them why I can be because although there are horrid connotations around mental illness, everyone of them that I educate means one less person being seen as weak or as wrong. As other.
And yes, thanks Jeremy for broaching this subject. I would invite anyone who considers mental illness something that is emotional alone to research the GABA protein.
same anaology that the nurse at the hospital tols me. it is the same as diabetes.
I have a great support system.
God first, and he has put a wonderful group of people in my life.
I am very glad for Jeremy that he has been brave enough to take medication. It is not the easy way but it can work. It is no failure to discover that due to chemical/hormonal imbalances (which are often genetic) medication can lift a sufferer from the churning pit of darkness which this illness can illicit. Depression can happen to the wealthiest and most talented it is not neccessarily caused by an event (Ie, there is often not a ‘root cause’ but it can be triggered by an event.
I don’t think it does anything constructive to look for a root cause and end up blaming something when actually this illness can descend for no reason.
A further factor is that Mr Deacon has a close and loving family that he wishes to cherish and enjoy. If medication allows him to do that and function as a great Dad then why would you do anything else?
Yes I thought I suffered from depression till I was told my child has bipolar. When we took him away we discovered that I also have bipolar.
The said thing about bipolar is that people really don’t understand. They empathize with us when we are depressed and will sit with us to ensure we don’t harm ourselves or others but when we are manic they just look at us and get angry saying what ever you know what your doing. That’s just an excuse your using. Not realizing we need just as much help when we are manic as when we are depressed.
Who know one day I may write an article on it. It has been on my heart for a while.
Yes, I know someone with bipolar and support at both ends of the scale is important, even if it is just talking to someone
Do it! its the only way we can change these commonly held misconceptions. I got your back!
Very brave column – the stigma of mental health issues is one that takes a lot of time to get through.
Thank you
Thanks Jeremy. I’m an advocate for not hiding my depression in the dark. Everyone’s depression is different. Great column, thank you for sharing your journey.
Jeremy, that was a big step to put it out in public what you are going through. I have found it helpful to be honest about the illness and don’t hesitate to tell people that I have suffered from depression on and off for about 20 years. To those who are against medication, it saved me! I took medication for about 15 of those years on and off and am only now, in the last five years, been able to function without it. It is a truly debilitating illness that those without it cannot understand. It is also a very scary illness because the thoughts that go through your head are life threatening. I will always remember reading about an american football coach who committed suicide because he felt the darkness would not go away and I found myself scared because I could relate! Thankfully with medication and support, I think I am on the other side of the illness but still have dark days to deal with every now and then.
Most people have suffered with depression at sometime or another and there is no quick fix. It can either be brought on by broken heart, loss or stress of job, death of a friend or family member, physical illness, addiction, bullying, & so on . . . Most of all feeling like a failure because one can not cope with whatever. I’ve had bouts of it from being caused by my parents divorce to having a broken heart . . . Both times feeling like a failure & lonely. It was my dearest friends, my family & yes, a psychologist that gave me coping skills or rather making me realize that I was loved & I wasn’t a failure.
Thank you Jeremy for sharing your story as the more people are informed about depression, the better we will all be.
And thank you for sharing your story.
Congratulations on “coming out”.
Just look at the positive discussion in the short period already.
Medications for depression are no different than medications for high blood sugar or cholesterol. Yes you must treat them with respect; they aren’t magic wands to make everything better. And yes you can try lifestyle changes first (and should continue with those changes regardless).
Good health is about balance – achieving that balance and when you can’t, using the resources available – doctors, pharmacists, dieticians etc – to find out what works for you.
Thank you Mr. Deacon!
and thank you for taking the time out to write your comment.
Very brave of you Jeremy. I commend you for sharing this and this hopefully help others seek any support they might need. It’s time we start understanding and accepting these types of issues in Bermuda. Well done you
thank you
Jeremy, thank you for stepping forward and sharing. There is a very real stigma against people with mental health issues. This problem can only be solved by educating people. I hope that you do continue to write on this subject. It would be great if you would consider adding a few lists of available resources too. By sharing your story you could help save a life.
Best of luck to you!
Thank you and, yes, I intend to continue writing on this, and that is a good idea re resources.
A very good article. Well done for raising the issue.
I am proud to call you my friend and thank you for bringing light to this topic which so many people are confronted with by skepticism from their peers/family.
Depression is the state of mind that occurs when inner self: desires, dreams, and goals are in contrast to outer self: obligations, responsibilities, and duties. External stimulus cant always be changed, but we all have the power to change ourselves. Finding a better inner alignment is key to conquering depression without medication.
Spoken like someone who needs to be educated on the chemical make-up of the human brain.
There are many many types of depression. And sometimes it does boil down to a chemical imbalance. Just like someone said earlier comparing it to being born with diabetes. Sometimes you need medication to replace what your body does not naturally create.
You sound like one of those people that probably tell people with cancer that they can conquer it by having a positive mental outlook.
Just as many people experience depression when external things are going well in their lives as those that experience it as a result of an external trigger.
I’m afraid I am still getting over the death of a great close friend who guided by well meaning people such as yourself stopped taking his meds.
Mr. Deacon.
What can I say.
Your helping yourself by ‘coming out’.
Always enjoyed your work but never knew the challenges you were up against.
Takes a village to teach a child. Thanks for being a senior there.
And such a wonder thread to read about life and so many are onboard your honesty and offering of help to others.
Best to you and your family.
You just made it better.
Shalom my friend.
Thank you Terry
A pharmacist told me that depression pills are the most prescribed drugs on the island and I couldn’t fathom why until it happened to me. I remember being in a airplane and wishing it would crash so I wouldn’t have to take the responsibility of taking my own life. I was seeing a counselor at the time and when I told her this story I was marched off to the doctor who prescribed me anti depressants which I took for five years. I walked around like a zombie for those years and really can’t remember much, I was just ‘there’. No feeling, no thought, just there but it was so much better than the big black hole that used to visit me when I was depressed. When even the thought of making a cup of tea or putting on socks was too much of a decision to make.
In the end, I managed to take back control of my life. I started exercising and that increased the serotonin in my brain which gave me the strength to fight the disease. I forced myself to look at the positives in my life and not dwell on the negatives and slowly but surely I turned my life around. I also realized that a lot of my problems were with the anti-depressants themselves. Ironically what were the life saver in the beginning became the hindrance in the end and with coming off of those, my personality returned.
Depression is something to be recognized and treated not be embarrassed about. I’m proud that I overcame it and love to see the reaction on people’s faces whenever I tell them I was once severely depressed because it underscores my success whenever I hear “You? I don’t believe you”.
To all of you (Slsys, Susan, No and others) I say well done to you and Mr. Deacon for bringing this to the fore. Depression is not something you can “snap out of”. Believe me, if you could you would ! It is very much a chemical imbalance and in some cases does not need a life altering event to trigger an episode. Again, you would never tell a person with broken legs to just get up and walk. Learn before you speak and/or make judgements.
Thank you for this Jeremy.
There are different types of depression. The ‘blues’ or ‘melancholy’ are what everyone pretty much experiences in life at some time. That is far different from sever anxiety, clinical depression, bi-polar disorder etc. They are illnesses. Why is it so hard for some to understand that our brain, which is an organ in our body just like any other organ, can become ill, because of chemical imbalances, and faulty neuro-transmitters. That mental illness can run in families, just like cancer or diabetes. These same people do not hesitate to pop a pill for a headache! Many people’s lives have been saved by medicine. Everyone responds to treatment differently.Some benefit from meditation, lifestyle changes, cognitive therapy. Some need that AND medication. Education is so important and the more people share their experience with depression, the better others will understand.When I was younger, I had the same viewpoint…..that people were weak of mind and will. I know better now, as I have experienced it myself, as have loved ones.
It’s funny, the first question I asked was ‘why me, I’m a tough old bugger’ … it really can affect anyone …
is that my mermaid from st. davids?:)
A depression or an economic down turn seems to be part and parcel of the capitalist system. there is really nothing that can be done about it. I remember the former chairman of the fed Allan Greenslade when he appeared before congress and was asked to explain what had happen in the most recent down turn; the one Bermuda was caught in and blame for it. Like a deer caught in a car’s head lights; he had no answer. So even if Bermuda gets out of this one more will ne coming down the road,
Huh?
Sorry, but I don’t understand the relevance of this, Alvin?
Very brave and timely piece Jeremy.
I have a son that has a mental illness ( recently diagnosed ) and I can attest to the many challenges that he has faced and will face in the future. With the aid of medication I have noticed significant improvements, however this is the beginning of a long journey.
Thank you for your commentary … hopefully it will assist others to be more tolerant and accepting.
It is a long journey for sure and to use a well worn phrase there are going to be a lot of struggles. But … the good thing is that you have recognized it and in so doing will learn to spot symptoms which will help deal with the issues enormously
Mr Deacon, I though you maybe of interest to look up Dr. Carolina Leaf and read all about her study of the brain.
Her website is drleaf.com She is a doctor from South Africa
Alvin,
Please respect this man, and if you have nothing good to say, just dont say anything. you are typical of some narrow minded people.
please leave us alone.
Completely agree, very insensitive of Alvin . . . He’s a the epitome of a bully.
Alvin isn’t a bully he’s jerk!
If Alvin thinks only “weak” people suffer from depression then I would love to sit down with him and swap our lives’ stories.
Even the string need help sometimes for no “man” is an island unto himself!
Alvin are you having flashbacks?
Don’t ruin such a great thread.
Please.
In certain cases mental illness can be the result of a genetic mutation of MTHFR gene. Please have your doctor test you. And if they don’t know what you are talking about you may have to find another doctor as this falls more under specialized training a physician does called functional medicine. There are at least two of them on the island. This genetic mutation is rather common in the Caucasian population. This mutation doesn’t allow folic acid to be converted into its methylated form so it can enter the cell. Therefore, it causes the body to be deficient in folic acid even if you take in a lot through your diet. Also, some research points to deficiencies of the omega 3fatty acids in the diet so supplementing with a fish oil can greatly improve symptoms. I am not saying everyone can get off medication but what I am most certainly saying is if you don’t want to be on meds forever and have the dangerous side effects that can come with their long term use then you need to dig a little deeper.
I applaud you Jeremy for coming out publically and talking about your Depression ….. I too suffer from Depression and have been suffering from it for about 20/25 years now, Quietly! …I find myself withdrawn from my immediate family and I have no motivation or desire to do the things or hobbies which I love to do …… Just getting ready to go to work every morning is a major challenge for me and my coworkers have no idea what it takes for me to leave my house to get to work…… I fight through a lot of dark days sometimes and there are times when the darkness seems to win and times where I seem to win……Can you also please post places where someone like me can get help …. Thank You.
@ Suffering in Silence
You don’t have to suffer anymore! A great place to start is your family doctor. Have a talk with them to see if you are better off seeing a psychologist (talk therapy) or a psychiatrist (possibly medication). Or potentionally a combination. Your GP will write the referral and point you in the right direction. Also insurance companies here will cover a fair bit of the costs.
As you can see from this thread you are not alone!
I went to MAWI outpatient care they are great but remember it takes time to find the right therapist and the right medication if needed.
I now go to a great therapist. she is a christian which i am so she blends my spirituality with therapy.
you can also go to a pastor.
Womenrs resource center is alos great.
If you job pays for EAP they are good as well.
I did not want to use medication for my depression or anxiety but I was in such a dark place that there was no way any sort of therapy was going to break the cycle. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain – if it is true depression – that cannot be fixed through counselling/therapy alone. I have a strong belief (from personal experience) that sometimes you need the medication to correct the imbalance whilst doing it in conjunction with therapy. A two pronged approach is the key if you ask me.
Sometimes, medication is the only way to get you out of it if you don’t want to end up in a mental hospital. I felt for me I had to take the meds for the sake of my family and my own sanity quite frankly. It’s very easy to make judgements about people taking medication if you have never experienced it yourself. Believe me, if you have been in the boat that I’ve been in and many others have been in, you would feel you had little choice but to get your brain chemicals balanced again. I am a “natural” person who eats well, exercises and doesn’t like medication BUT I don’t believe I would have got to the other side without it quite frankly.
I did not want to use medication for my depression or anxiety but I was in such a dark place that there was no way any sort of therapy was going to break the cycle. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain – if it is true depression – that cannot be fixed through counselling/therapy alone. I have a strong belief (from personal experience) that sometimes you need the medication to correct the imbalance whilst doing it in conjunction with therapy. A two pronged approach is the key if you ask me.
Sometimes, medication is the only way to get you out of it if you don’t want to end up in a mental hospital. I felt for me I had to take the meds for the sake of my family and my own sanity quite frankly. It’s very easy to make judgements about people taking medication if you have never experienced it yourself. Believe me, if you have been in the boat that I’ve been in and many others have been in, you would feel you had little choice.. I am a “natural” person who eats well, exercises and doesn’t like medication BUT I don’t believe I would have got to the other side without it quite frankly.
Suffering in Silence – call Dr Anandagoda 295 1558 – he is just amazing. Compassionate, professional, highly knowledgable – he has a brilliant way of making you understand how your brain works and what depression is and how to help. I really urge you to give him a call – you can get help and live your life again!
Totally agree SBDA. I saw him and immediately things got better. Really nice guy.
So honest, so open, and so brave:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/good-to-share/10568933/How-to-deal-with-the-black-dog-of-depression.html#disqus_thread
I have been overwhelmed by the reaction to this column. I have been genuinely taken aback. I have had calls from strangers, strangers have stopped me in the street, I’ve had countless emails from people sharing their stories, there have been hundreds of Facebook and Twitter shares and messages …. I could go on.
What it shows is that there is a very real issue with mental illness in Bermuda and that people want and need help and support.
I want to thank all those who have left kind messages here and on other platforms – your support and understanding means an awful lot to me and I am sure to many others as well.
Dr. Carolina Leaf is a doctor that can help you without you having to take meds. She teaches you how to treat yourself using God’s Word. It has been proven. Check out her website and get her DVD’s. It couldn’t hurt to listen to her and it maybe the answer for lots of people. Just trying to help. It’s great that you are there to help others! God bless you.