Column: Difference Between Stuck & Scared
[Opinion column written by Nadia Laws]
Sometimes we say we’re stuck when what we really mean is that we’re scared. We say we don’t know what we want. We’re waiting for the right time. We need more information. We’ll make the decision next month.
And sometimes, of course, we genuinely are stuck. Life can be complicated. We can have competing responsibilities, limited options or simply not know which direction to take. But sometimes there is something else underneath the procrastination: fear.
Fear of failing. Fear of disappointing people. Fear of looking foolish. Fear that if we actually succeed, our lives might change in ways we’re not prepared for.
I know this because I’ve experienced it myself.
For years, I talked about wanting to move overseas. It was one of those dreams I mentioned often enough that it almost became part of my identity. Then, in 2012, I found myself travelling through Southeast Asia on my own. I was backpacking and had made it to Thailand when, for a brief moment, the possibility felt very real – I could stay. I could start over. I could figure out a career. I could build a completely different life.
And then something inside me said: go home. At the time, I thought I was simply being rational. I called it listening to my head rather than my heart. But looking back, I sometimes wonder if my brain was doing exactly what brains are designed to do: keeping me safe.
Going back to Bermuda was familiar. I knew my career. I knew my surroundings. I knew what people expected of me. Starting from scratch in a foreign country? That was a different story.
I wouldn’t have another real opportunity to move to Asia until 2022. By then, the decision was much bigger. I was married. We had a young son. We had bills, responsibilities and an entire life to consider. I still made the move.
But I often think about that moment in Thailand and wonder what might have happened if I had recognised my fear for what it was.
That experience taught me something I now think about whenever I feel “stuck”… before deciding that you don’t know what to do, ask yourself whether you actually know—and you’re just afraid to do it.
Here’s a simple exercise you can use. When you find yourself procrastinating on something, finish this sentence honestly: If I knew I couldn’t fail, I would…”
Then ask: “What am I afraid would happen if I actually did it?”
Your answer might surprise you. Maybe you’re afraid people will judge you. Maybe you’ll have to leave something comfortable behind. Maybe you’ll discover you’re capable of more than you thought. Fear doesn’t always mean “don’t do it.” Sometimes, it simply means this matters to me.
And sometimes the thing we call being stuck is really a decision waiting for us to get brave enough to make it.
- Nadia Laws is a life coach focused on helping women navigate life transitions, find clarity and build what’s next. If you’re wondering what your next chapter could look like, start with her free PDF download: Rebuild Clarity Audit here, which will help you get clear on your next best step.
