“Sinking Of H.M.S. OBA” Wins Non Mariners

August 7, 2017

The “Sinking of the H.M.S. OBA” won NonLine honours and best political satire at yesterday’s Non Mariners Event, with the noncraft featuring the OBA’s logo, and a play on their election slogan of ‘Non Forward Together’.

A spokesperson said, “The Sandys Boat Club and the NonMariner’s Committee would like to thank all who attended this year’s NonEvent. The Mariner’s Club’s entry, the “Sinking of the H.M.S. O.B.A.”, took NonLine honours and best political satire. Their choice of charities, the Bermuda Sailor’s Home, will be presented a cheque at a forthcoming NonCeremony.

“This vessel performed surprisingly well for a pitchpoled A/C boat. The Mariner’s Rugby crew in true NonMariner’s style had not float tested this craft, and seemed surprised when they had to put some effort into breaking it apart after the NonRace. Despite the foils being out of the water, this team seemed to have no trouble taking up most of the NonCourse.

“The “Foiling Fools”, a NonCraft designed in the style of a foiling catamaran – you guessed it, with actual foil used in the construction and the costumes of the NonSailors- was entered by some SBC members.

“According to NonCoSkipper Happy Henderson, they tried to “call” the “Sinking of the HMS OBA” at the start line, and were not given room. Even with the best efforts of their grinding team on a NonFrench bike, they were unable to recover from this calamity.

“Fellow NonCoSkipper JoeMama L’Hereaux, lately of Team Oracle, found it difficult to downgrade the engineering for this event. This craft came close to disqualification as it was too well constructed; they were awarded the important “Best Use of Foil” NonAward.

“Early leader “No Security At All”, entered by the Duchess of Mangrove Bay, seemed distracted by cleaning turtles and veered off the course, while “A/C NonBoundary Painters” were first to the NonBoundary …and last back to the slip.

“This NonCraft was entered by the dancers of the Bermuda Islands Pipe Band, led by NonCaptain Cerra Simmons. Cerra says, “Being a NonBoundary Painter was rather messy, as amazingly, NonPaint is as hard to remove as real paint! More people should make floats because it’s really a lot of fun. People watching get a real kick out of the event.”


“Attendees at the NonEvent were treated to the dulcet tones of the NonCalypso Pipe Band, while sampling goodies from Ashley’s Lemonade, the Anchor, Sensational Delights, and the Bermuda Gig Rowing Club. The solemn burial of this years’ NonMascot – along with some rare penguin fur thanks to the Somerset Primary Class of 2017 – did not overshadow the exciting Annual Penguin Flyby.

“Every year, the event donates 50% of the door and all the float money to the St. John Ambulance and the charity of choice of the winning float. This year a portion of the Vendor’s fees was also added to the donation.

“If you had fun at the event, and did not get to donate at the Club, please feel free to make a donation in the name of the NonMariner’s Race to the Bermuda Sailor’s Home [www.marinersbermuda.weebly.com] or the St. John Ambulance [www.sjabermuda.org].

“The organisers would like to thank the St. John Ambulance and the Bermuda Police Service, along with SunSmart, K&J Security and Mario Thompson at Marine & Ports, for their help in making this a safe event.

“Thanks also to NonEmcee Bruce Barritt, NonDJ Michael Hanwell, the NonCalypso Pipe Band, and sponsors John Barritt and Son, AudioVisual Electronics, Goslings and Burrows Lightbourne, Vanese at Waste Management, and our amazing volunteers.”

You can watch a 2-hour live stream replay of the event here.

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Comments (1)

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  1. Tony Brannon says:

    Well….. hardly surprising. Self inflicted Titanic catastrophe !