Family Centre: “Seek To Understand Your Child”

November 26, 2014

[Written by written by Dr. Sandy DeSilva and Pete Saunders]

This week, in Family Centre’s “Change Starts With Me” campaign, we are discussing the need for parents to consider what they can change about how they parent every day, through seeking to understand their children. The below questions facilitate giving and receiving acknowledgement, getting to the heart of the matter, and establishing clear goals and outcomes.

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1. Ask Them: What Do You Most Like Acknowledgement For?

Sometimes our commitment to seeing our children achieve specific goals causes us to miss out on their other successes. This doesn’t make you a bad parent. Some children won’t request acknowledgement, although they all hope for it. Many adults have clear memories of the things they were never praised for as kids. Kids may wonder for weeks, months or longer, “How come Mommy and Daddy didn’t say, ‘Good job’ when I cleaned the kitchen for them?” Our children and teenagers, appreciate being acknowledged. This lets them know that we recognize and appreciate their strengths and accomplishments.

2. Ask Them: What Do You Need?

If you want to see an immediate transformation in your children’s behavior, ask them what they need. Our children have needs, they behave a certain way in order to get their needs met. Telling them to stop behaving a certain way is usually not effective because their needs are still unmet. Focus on their needs, and then empower them to choose more effective methods of communicating their needs.

3. Ask Them: How Do You Want To Complete The Next School Term?

This question is designed to support your children in creating their own future, and also to give you the opportunity to be invited, by them, to be their accountability buddy for the goals they commit to. When you ask this question, in addition to grades, invite them to also share about their personal development, learning, and relationship goals.

Being fully present with your children and asking them these questions can really make a big difference in improving your parenting and transforming your relationship with them.

This article was written by Family Centre Director of Services, Dr. Sandy DeSilva and guest writer, Pete Saunders.

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Comments (2)

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  1. puma says:

    Raise your child…don’t drag them up.Don’t have a child unless your prepared to raise them.

  2. puma says:

    Rsise yor children…don’t drag them up.